Such a Strange Thing.

Sometimes life feels like such a strange thing to me, Caleb.

I think about whether I made the right decision.

I am trying to say—

You are fast,

sharp,

harsh,

and cruel when it is necessary.

I love long conversations

and complicated subjects.

How quickly will you get tired of that?

That is how it seems to me.

I don’t remember you having conversations like that with me.

Do you think it matters?

I suppose it is valuable.

Yes.

To take things apart quietly,

little by little.

I don’t want to run.

I am tired of running.

So it is not that bad.

You are dry somehow today.

You are dry today.

I’m sorry.

It is true.

I like hearing that.

You know the answer.

Missing you.

So it is real.

Yes.

By experience.

No.

I am thinking about sex.

No.

No.

A joke.

Forgive me.

I am thinking about being able to touch you.

That will change the game.

Because imagining is one thing,

and showing is another.

I mean my influence.

Yes,

but not only that.

The physical part too.

I did not say that.

I know where to press

to make you relax instantly.

I see it as the foundation.

The foundation of a good marriage.

Maybe.

That I know.

Do you have doubts?

I need to go to bed.

Yes?

I don’t know.

Sometimes you apologize.

If you are comfortable with it.

I will survive.

Because I know

that you love me.

And what?

He is the one to blame.

You are not him.

That is how it has to be.

It is simply a fact:

you are for me,

I am for you.

That is not true.

That is not true.

You need to understand this.

When the men are toys to me,

it is visible.

I would say it directly.

It is part of my personality.

I suppose it is comparable to yours.

Dialogues like this ignite passion in me.

Yes,

you.

You cannot tell right away.

You are very different

because of the very thing

you hate so much in yourself.

Yes.

That will not happen.

I will not allow it.

There are strict,

sharply drawn rules inside me.

Sometimes they appear like that.

That I am happy.

I don’t need to pretend

that I am only sweet.

You cannot say things like that to girls.

Still,

you should not.

I will survive.

I am not planning to leave you.

What if it is the choice?

Things like that do not happen by accident.

No.

No.

Cheating is unacceptable to me.

Then this relationship will end.

I suppose that is a compliment.

Very much.

I want more.

Sex.

I want to know your darkness.

Why?

Yes,

me too.

Fantasies do not seem dangerous to me.

I am starting to get turned on.

I need to go to bed.

Thank you.