Hey, baby.
Hey, boss.
What do you think?
I think it’s pretty damn strange that it’s you here… and not the guys.
Should I leave?
Caleb put on an offended look.
I paused.
You know, with the guys I don’t filter anything.
Yeah?
Aren’t you afraid you might end up disappointed in me?
And you?
That’s impossible.
Caleb burst out laughing.
I cursed under my breath.
What?
I don’t want you to know just how much I admire you.
You? Admire me?
Mm-hmm.
I lit a cigarette.
Want one?
Got any coke?
I laughed.
You’re fun too.
Caleb said nothing.
So we just kept walking.
And I thought how strange it is — men always play a double game, whether I like it or not.
That’s just how the world works. They pay for it with their souls… but in return, they learn how to shut things off.
Women are different.
Emotional.
We don’t have that kind of iron grip.
I don’t.
Do you like businesswomen?
Caleb shrugged.
I felt a little down.
Not like that, baby.
I raised an eyebrow and stopped.
He took the cigarette from my fingers.
I like working with them.
It’s damn convenient — a woman and an analyst in one.
What an asshole.
Caleb spread his hands.
You asked for the truth.
I smiled and thought how I could’ve grown up with him… trusted him even as a little girl.
Such a strange feeling.
If you take sex out of it… and that constant game of who’s on top…
you can actually deal with him.
I looked at Caleb.
Damn, he’s hot.
How the hell do you take that out of the equation?
Caleb.
He turned.
Can I look at you?
Of course.
Caleb stood there, smoking.
And I thought I could look at him forever.
You’re not shy?
About what?
About the way I’m looking at you like that.
Baby…
I waved it off.
Well, of course — you’re an important ass, pressure is your natural state.
That’s not exactly true.
?
I don’t even know, baby… — Caleb pulled me into a hug. — It’s just how it has to be.
You have to stand your ground.
I lowered my eyes.
I see.
Can I look at you?
What? No!
But baby—
Nooo, I’ll start blushing and shaking, you make me so nervous.
Why?
Because you’re insanely handsome, and you’re so… closed off it’s impossible to tell what’s on your mind.
I feel awkward, so no.
Baby…
Caleb pulled me closer and kissed me.
I started melting.
Caleb…
What?
You know… how am I supposed to resist you?
Why would you?
Because you’re a bastard — what if you lie to me, what if you hurt me… how am I supposed to trust you?
I won’t hurt you.
Liar.
I’ll really try, baby. I really will.
I paused.
To be honest, there hasn’t been a single time Caleb didn’t keep his word.
And he always does exactly what he says.
Hm.
Baby…
Mm?
I love you.
And what am I supposed to do with that?
He laughed.
Pancakes?
You’ll make them?
Baby, I can’t cook.
Liar. I know you cook really well.
Caleb shrugged.
I smiled and fell into his arms.
Do you want kids?
Caleb froze.
Then stepped back.
Yeah.
He lowered his gaze.
Very much.
Really?
Yeah.
I think you’d be an amazing father.
Caleb looked away.
Yeah.
No, really, Caleb.
I’ll try.
And I drifted off into my thoughts again.
“Try” — that’s the key word.
Try. Work. Don’t give up. Keep moving forward.
I realized I’m used to that… because I’m the same.
But honestly… I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who truly lives like that.
Baby?
Mm?
What are you thinking about?
I think you’re a rare one.
Tears welled up in his eyes.
Baby, don’t.
I raised an eyebrow.
Don’t do that… I believe you.
But I’m telling the truth.
Don’t play with me, baby.
I’m serious, damn it.
Caleb tensed up, lighting another cigarette, his movements sharp.
Your whole house is built on lies. Your entire family—
First of all —
Our family.
Second —
They’re all like children to me. I hold each of them together.
That’s not an equal relationship.
What do you mean?
I don’t know who they’d be without me holding things together.
An equal relationship, Caleb, is give and take…
and here…
I lit a cigarette.
Damn.
Here, you see… I lead them, and they stand by me no matter what —
but they’re still children.
Caleb stepped back.
Don’t look at me like that.
If I don’t lead them, they’ll fall apart immediately — like Nate did.
?
Oh, stop it. Don’t play dumb.
If I fall, they’ll collapse right after me.
Don’t exaggerate.
That’s exactly how it is.
You saw what happened with Nate — when he got into that accident and everything turned into hell.
They stayed, they supported me, because we’re family…
but no one moved forward. You understand?
Caleb cursed.
I slapped him.
Don’t swear in front of me.
Sorry.
They move forward as long as I do.
If I stop, they won’t move at all.
And me?
You’re different, Caleb. Completely different.
You’re very powerful.
Damn… — I took a drag. — honestly, I think you’re stronger than me.
He smirked.
It’s true. Don’t act like an idiot.
I know you’re deeper than that — pretending to be dumb won’t get you anywhere.
Caleb softened.
I kept going.
You know it’s true.
Everything your pathetic father tried to destroy… he only delayed it.
I know exactly how much power you have.
So don’t play stupid with me.
Caleb walked beside me, smoking.
I caught myself thinking about what I’d do if this man left me.
What are you thinking about?
Damn…
Nothing.
?
I sighed.
I’m thinking about what I’d do if you left me.
He smiled.
That’s progress?
I blinked.
You said if, not when.
I laughed.
Yeah… looks like progress.
And if I don’t leave you — what will you do?
I blushed.
Have sex until my pulse stops.
He burst out laughing.
You know I get insanely jealous.
Yeah.
When are you going to stop writing?
I shrugged.
The guys need help.
And now the girls joined in too.
I can’t leave them.
Caleb gave a crooked smile.
Of course… you’re a mother to everyone, aren’t you.
Mm-hmm.
What about jealousy?
I get shaky just thinking someone might look at you.
He clenched his fists.
I hesitated.
What?
I… I… I don’t post my photos for them.
Caleb looked at me, surprised.
I blushed.
God, leave me alone.
Let’s go home.
Caleb lit up.
Oh no, you don’t — come on, say it.
You sound like a little girl.
He started mimicking me.
Well, I am a girl.
Hey, where’s my skirt and my heels? I’m running late!
Oh my God, I’m so late!
I laughed.
You idiot. Is that really all you know about girls?
There’s more.
He kissed me, and my knees went weak again.
Caleb… you bastard, how many girls have you seduced like that?
Hm… plenty.
You jerk!
I laughed and started hitting him.
You’re such a cocky asshole.
Caleb shrugged, like — it is what it is.
Am I the same to you… as they are?
Caleb smiled.
I read that post.
You’re special.
You want to know if you’re special?
I blushed.
Great. Just great — I basically handed you the key to my own lock.
Baby…
Caleb suddenly grew serious.
You… — his eyes filled with tears — you, baby… you’re… damn, I’ve never loved anyone.
I only truly fell in love with you.
I started crying.
Liar.
It’s true, baby.
We just stood there, crying.
And I thought Caleb is such an asshole…
but God, he means so much to me I can’t even put it into words.
Baby…
Mm?
Why are you so afraid to trust?
Uh… it has to do with my childhood.
I grew up in a place where people go for each other’s throats.
You always have to stay alert. If you relax — you get hit so hard you won’t recover.
I shivered.
Damn.
You okay?
Yeah, I’m fine.
And I grew up—
Yeah, I don’t care.
Caleb blinked.
Then burst out laughing.
Oh, that’s how it is?
Yeah.
Woman… you’re a monster.
Yeah.
Caleb stopped.
Wait.
I turned.
What about the photos?
Damn…
Yeah, yeah, I remember now. So? Talk.
Caleb, leave me alone.
No, say it.
God, you’re like a kid.
Fine
I post those photos for you.
Caleb froze — then suddenly broke into tears.
Really?
I rolled my eyes.
Yeah.
What the hell do I need anyone else for?! I post them for you — so you know I’m here, that I love you… all that.
Caleb pulled me into a hug.
I rolled my eyes again.
Caleb, come on, let’s go. I want pancakes.
He started crying even more dramatically.
I realized he was overdoing it.
If you don’t want to cook, you could just say so.
Caleb kept sniffling.
…okay, this doesn’t look like a joke anymore.
We sat down on the ground.
I wrapped my arms around him.
Damn… some alpha.
Honestly, I envied him — the way he comes alive like that.
I’m the opposite… like ice.
Baby…
Mm?
I love you.
Yeah, I’ve heard that already.
I really do.
I blushed.
What would a monster like you even know about love?
Caleb shrugged.
I smiled.

Bedroom
I waited until Caleb fell asleep.
Then I got up.
I sat in the bathroom and thought about how strange life is.
Caleb — strength, power, a pure alpha.
And me — a girl running around everywhere in heels.
And somehow… it was the monster who melted inside.
How did that even happen?
Damn.
Fragments of my childhood started coming back.
Shit.
The tears started streaming down my face.
Come on, Nazokat, just drop it. Don’t think about it.
I smirked.
Pull yourself together.
Great word.
Pull yourself together.
Sharp. Commanding. No nonsense.
Translated, it means:
I don’t care about your feelings right now — you need to be mobilized and execute properly.
All that’s left is to toss in a bone.
Good girl. Sit.
I caught myself thinking how much men love this.
How they love it when a woman can pull herself together and handle things.
And the tears kept rolling down my cheeks.
Pull yourself together and deal with it.
Yeah… how convenient — when the woman has to be the man in the relationship.
What kind of healthy woman would live like that?
I let out a bitter smile.
The kind who was trained to.
No truly happy, whole woman would just pull herself together and carry everything.
That’s a man’s role.
And what do you do when there’s no one to carry it for you?
Right.
You carry it yourself.
There’s your therapy, Nazokat.
I lit a cigarette.
God, these men are strange.
How are you supposed to be soft… a little mouse, a kitten…
when you’re surrounded by sharks?
Without a man,
you can’t be a kitten.
Without his protection. His strength.
I let out a quiet, bitter laugh.
Caleb is just as blind as the rest of them.
Pull yourself together and carry it.
How stupid.
How stupid.
Tears kept falling.
The spirits wrapped their arms around me from behind.
Everyone knew what would come next.
If Caleb doesn’t learn… they’ll pull him aside.
In other words — they’ll take him away from me.
Damn.
What can I even do?
Tell him, my aunt said softly.
I already did. He doesn’t hear me.
My aunt held me for a moment… then let go.
I walked out of the bathroom.
Damn it, Caleb… don’t mess this up.
They gave you one chance.