Alpha comes home.
The woman is furious.
Oh shit.
She’s screaming.
She’s angry.
Damn, she’s so angry.
She told him so many times.
And he —
Bastard.
Jerk.
Goat.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
In rage she throws at Alpha everything she has.
Everything within reach.
She’s still holding herself together, but soon tears will show in her eyes.
And she’ll fall, covering her face with her palms.
Alpha is horrified.
He just walked in. What the hell did he manage to do already?
And the signature phrase:
What happened?
And iiiii…
Cue the bagpipers.
Crying women.
And his friends secretly hoping the Porsche falls to them.
And a sign that says:
Here lies Alpha.
She picks up speed again.
Are you kidding me?
I just told you everything.
You’re not listening to me at all.
And again everything starts flying at Alpha.
She bursts into tears and leaves.
Alpha still in shock.
His father never taught him what to do in situations like this.
The guys say it’s fine, forget it, it’s just her period or some other woman crap.
And Alpha kind of feels something’s off.
But he’s exhausted.
And he absolutely doesn’t want to deal with this after work.
He’ll apologize in the morning.
True, he still doesn’t know for what.
But he’s not new to marriage.
He already has rehearsed schemes
For any of her woman crap.
Just brush it off.
It’ll resolve itself.
It worked before.
Guys, I know you’re shocked.
But let’s rewrite the script.
Rewind.
The door opens.
Women in Hawaiian skirts hand Alpha cocktails.
Journalists ask for his autograph.
He’s handsome.
Young.
Magnificent.
Close-up.
Alpha’s languid look from under his brow.
Like — woman, I know how to level this out.
Calm.
A few more photos for the fangirls.
And finally.
Scene one. Take one.
The woman is out of herself with rage.
Since this is rewind, we can pause.
And stare at her tits a little.
Okay.
Enough.
And iiiii…
Camera.
Action.
The woman is smashing everything in rage.
She’s telling him off.
Alpha gently…
Ah ah ah ah ah.
My dear, no no no.
My darling.
No.
We are not putting the seat into reclining position.
No.
We’re here.
We’re engaged.
We’re here.
I’m in the earpiece.
The cameraman is filming.
Let’s go.
Alpha notes what she’s saying.
Come on, man, surface.
She wants something from us.
She’s asking for something.
Alpha is slightly under anesthesia, but seems to start hearing.
Oops.
A vase hits him right on the crown.
The cameraman raises his hand.
Damn, man, sorry we didn’t warn you.
Alpha wipes his nose.
The fangirls tremble — what a powerful Alpha, he didn’t shed a single tear.
Alpha spits blood like in action movies.
Like this is routine for him.
Close-up.
Alpha winks.
The girls faint.
Moving on.
Okay, okay, the woman is slowly calming down.
I punch Alpha in the jaw.
Almost, man, no other way.
Otherwise your mouth will say:
What happened.
That cannot happen.
So we wait.
She sits and cries.
Alpha is a freak.
He abandoned her.
She’s cursed just like her mother, living with this cold, dead guy.
Grief, woman, grief.
Alpha adjusts his cloak.
Calm.
I’m here, woman.
She:
Don’t touch me.
Don’t touch me.
I hate you.
And so on and so on and so on.
We breathe.
Here I quickly scan the list.
Please pause the movie.
I slap Alpha across the face.
Me.
The puffed-up peacock.
Even Mushu.
In shock.
Really, Alpha?
But she asked for this!
How could you forget?
Alpha is saddened.
We call in the support group.
Beauties in wet T-shirts — it really helps Alpha, he’s getting better right before our eyes.
Alright. Earpiece in.
Let’s go.
Alpha knows what she wants.
He heard her.
He goes upstairs and runs her a bath.
While the water is filling,
he sits next to her
and takes her hands in his.
He tucks her hair behind her ear
and says sincerely, from the heart —
like he promised he wouldn’t yell at the cat anymore
for constantly scratching the couch —
Please forgive me.
She looks at Alpha.
Her soft, almost childlike eyes.
She’s angry, but she loves him so much.
And he hurt her.
Hurt her so much that this is how she started acting.
She’s not hysterical.
She’s not crazy.
No.
She’s just that hurt.
It hurts her that much.
That Alpha didn’t hear her.
That he ignored her.
Alpha pulls her close.
And while she doesn’t see,
I silently curse him.
Damn it, Alpha!!
She believes you so much!
How could you let her down?
Alpha already regrets it.
He’s saddened.
And now it’s unclear who will cry next.
I hug Alpha from behind.
Kiss him on the cheek.
I love you anyway.
And your woman loves you very much too.
You just need to fix it.
This isn’t the end of the world.
Come on, my dear, don’t be sad.
Moving on.
We lead the woman by the hand to the bathroom.
We bring her a laptop there.
Something light to snack on.
She’ll recover.
Alpha goes downstairs
and lets out a loud exhale.
His whole world flipped.
He tries not to think about how many things he did wrong.
It’s okay, Alpha.
Everyone has a past. The main thing is to fix it.
And then the woman after the bath.
Exhausted and terribly tired.
We kiss her
and gently put her to bed.
We pour ourselves some whiskey.
Play on the console.
Yell at the guys about football.
Not that I understand it.
But heated guys at football —
that’s beyond me, I can’t miss that.
And then Alpha gets up.
He’s tired, he needs to sleep.
I hug him.
Tell him he’s the best.
And the whole film crew heads home.
Alpha throws out at the end:
Thanks, guys.
And we, the team, throw a dirty diaper at Alpha
so he doesn’t relax —
and he loses it.
Everyone runs in all directions.
Because he’s actually angry.