I breathe.
Damn, no.
No no no.
I look in the mirror.
The reflection is ecstatic.
No no no no.
Get a grip, Nazokat, don’t let her out.
Fuck.
I slammed into the mirror.
Fuck—
Fuck—
The mirror is broken. I’m covered in blood.
Fuck, it hurts so bad.
I tried to breathe.
Oh my God, what an idiot you are — Hades.
Everything inside me was on fire.
Pain.
Raw intoxication was pressing to get out.
We need a boy.
No no no.
No.
Just not this.
And right on cue,
Nate knocked.
“Baby.”
Oh my God, he’ll lose his mind when he sees me covered in blood.
Nate instantly knew something was wrong.
“Baby, are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
Sss—ahhh—owww.
“Kitten?”
He started banging on the door.
“Nate, quiet, quiet, everything’s fine, I just hurt myself.”
“Hurt yourself? Damn it, on what?”
“Kitten, let me in.”
He was seriously panicking.
Oh gods.
I opened the door.
Nate’s eyes went wide.
I burst into tears.
“Don’t judge me, damn you.
Don’t you dare.”
“Sorry, kitten.
Sorry.”
He pulled himself together.
“Baby, how did this happen?”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“Oh, but I can,” — Hades snapped.
“Here’s the thing: your little friend’s gone nuts again.
Maybe you’ll call a doctor, get her some pills,
or maybe have something injected.”
“Shut up!”
“Baby.”
“No, you’ll think I’m completely crazy.”
And I cried.
“Go away.
Go away.”
“Kitten, I need an answer.”
My darkness is clawing its way out.
“Nate, this isn’t good.”
“Got it.”
He was trying to figure it out, his eyes darting from side to side.
“Got it.
Okay.
Let’s wash the wound.”
“Okay.”
He gently wiped my forehead.
Surprisingly, there wasn’t even a real scratch — just a tiny dot.
“Kitten.”
I lowered my eyes.
“Yeah, I know, Nate, I know.”
“Kitten.”
He closed the door.
“Why won’t you tell me?”
Because I can’t, Nate.
How am I supposed to tell you that I’m dying from your submission to me?
That I’m folding in half?
Forget it.
I’m not right in the head.
“We’ll find a waitress, she’ll slap a bandage on it and that’s it.
Let’s go.”
“Wait.”
He paused.
One second.
I rubbed my neck.
“There.
Now you’re judging me.”
“That’s not true.”
“What do you want me to do?”
I doubled over instantly.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn, Nate.
“Baby.”
“Don’t tell him.
Don’t tell him,”
Hades was screaming like a madman.
“Nate, I can’t.
I’m begging you, leave.”
Nate stood motionless.
“Nate.”
He started loosening his cufflinks.
No no no no.
No.
“Nate.”
“Naaate.”
One second.
I threw my head back
and the switch flipped violently.
I sat down on the toilet lid.
Leg crossed over leg.
“Come on, boy.
You like submitting to her yourself, don’t you?”
Nate bit his lower lip
and immediately threw his head back.
“Fuck, if this is Derek—”
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
Oh shit.
He grabbed me by the jaw.
I immediately slapped him across the face.
He licked his lips
and spat.
“Fuck.”
I folded in half.
Nate stepped straight toward me
and grabbed my jaw again.
“Girl.”
I swung and hit him with everything I had, this time in the stomach.
He doubled over.
I kicked him.
From the sight of it—
from the sight of his pain—
I folded again.
Damn.
I couldn’t breathe.
The intensity was so overwhelming it was impossible to breathe.
I collapsed onto the floor.
I realized — this is therapy,
they are dragging me out of the trauma,
and Nate is here to bring all of it out into the open.
Nate lifted his eyes.
There was a sick glint in them.
“You like this, bitch?
Hitting him?”
“Yes.”
“Want more?”
“Yes.”
I threw my head back
and kicked him again.
His jaw swung and cracked.
Blood sprayed —
drops splattered across the walls.
Fuck.
I doubled over
and ran out of breath.
Nate stood up.
“My turn.”
“Stop!” I snapped.
He froze.
“On your knees.”
Nate obeyed.
I was clutching my stomach.
Fuck — that energy.
I couldn’t straighten up at all.
Oh God.
I burst into tears.
Fuck, it hurts so bad.
Nate rushed toward me.
I hit him in the face again.
I broke his nose
and everything poured down onto his shirt.
Blood was streaming.
I howled with ecstasy.
Fuck, this turns me on so much.
He stayed seated.
Blood kept flowing.
And there he was —
wounded, beaten by me.
I’m dying of ecstasy.
I’m on my knees.
I can’t breathe from the pain in my stomach.
And I came back to myself
for a moment.
“Kitten, you have to submit to me.”
“As you say.”
Oh God—
I arched inside out.
Fuck—
fuck, it hurts.
I was clutching my stomach,
tears pouring down my face.
It felt like I was giving birth again.
There are no words for this.
“Nate, I need to know —
this is your decision,
that I’m not forcing you.”
He went still.
“Sweetheart, I don’t mind.
More than that —
I want to serve you.”
Oh God.
Oh God.
I screamed from the pain.
Nate froze.
He had no idea what to do.
“Kitten.”
“On your knees!” — I screamed.
He obeyed.
I stood up.
Dying from the pain,
I straightened myself
and ordered myself to pull together.
I can handle her.
I can hold her.
The boy agreed himself.
No one forced him — darkness.
That’s not true.
This isn’t voluntary.
He’s so afraid of losing you that he does this.
For him it’s fear and trauma.
He doesn’t want this — brain.
“Sweetheart.”
“Nate.”
I tried to breathe.
“Kitten.”
“I don’t mind.”
Oh my God, what are you saying.
You don’t mind all of this —
don’t say nonsense.
I need to book another doctor’s appointment.
“Kitten, let’s try together.”
Don’t trust him.
Once he realizes the scale of the disaster, he’ll run — brain.
“No, Nate, I can’t.
You’ll be disappointed in me.”
“Sweetheart.”
He took me by the elbow.
I flinched.
“O-okay.”
“I hate submitting.
It’s like a noose around my neck.
I hate it, Nate,”
and I shuddered.
“So.
I need you to do what I say.
I hate asking.
It’s important to me to give orders.”
Nate thought.
“I hate asking, Nate.
I need you to submit without weakness, without excuses.
I hate tolerance and all that shit.
Nate, I always give orders.
I say — you do.”
He nodded.
“Nate, I’m not sure you’re actually okay with this.
Tell me honestly if you’re not.”
“Kitten, I’m fine.
Then orders.”
“But why?
Why don’t you mind — doesn’t this humiliate you?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“I love submitting.”
“What?
What are you talking about?”
“I like it.”
I froze.
Fuck — maybe he’s the stronger one here, not me.
I swallowed.
“Sweetheart.”
He took my hand.
“Maybe nothing needs to be healed here.”
I narrowed my eyes
and swung again, slapping him across the face with all my strength.
I understood.
I understood.
I—
I understood.
“Alright then.
It’s going to hurt,” — spirits.
I understood there were no options.
I’d have to endure it.
I’d have to meet Derek again.
He threw his head back.
“Does this turn you on?”
“What turns me on is your strength, kitten.”
I narrowed my eyes.
“Nate, I’m serious.
This is not a joke.
This matters to me.”
I hate being too sweet or accommodating.
And I don’t tolerate weakness.
He smirked.
“I hate it too, sweetheart.”
“Then shut up.”
He moved closer
and whispered into my ear,
“As you say, sweetheart.”
And I bent over, holding onto him.
Fuck — now he’s going to play with that.
I straightened up.
And honestly—
I swung with all my strength
and hit him in the face.
I’m furious, you fucking bastard.
Because of you I ended up in a psych ward.
I kicked him.
Because of you, bastard, our children suffered.
I smashed the soap dish against Nate.
All because you wanted to play with your little cars.
Fuck.
Nate is sitting there.
Covered in blood and scrapes.
I can barely breathe
from how turned on I am by his strength.
It feels like if I slit his throat,
he’d still stand.
He doesn’t whine.
He doesn’t cry.
He’s so powerful.
Fuck — he can even hold my darkness.
That powerful.
I threw my head back
and kicked him again.
Then suddenly it got easier.
And the darkness just—
let go.
I smiled my signature smile.
“Nate, are you okay?”
He wiped the blood.
“Sweetheart, you’re a monster.”
I narrowed my eyes.
He raised his hands.
“I’m not judging. I’m not judging.”
“Yeah.”
I adjusted my curls.
Warn him — Hades.
I can’t.
The minds shook their heads bitterly.
Everyone knows it won’t be easy for Nate,
but we’re taking this guy.
There are no options.
Fuck — there are none.
“So, shall we go?” —
I pretended to be casual.
He laughed and kissed me.
“Kitten.”
“Mmm.”
“I don’t see this as a problem.”
“Yeah, that’s what you’ll say
when the doctor asks why you were stabbed with a knife,” — Hades.
I raised an eyebrow.
“Nate, this is a problem
because you’re traumatized because of your mother,
and I don’t know how to process anger toward you in an eco-friendly way.”
“Is that so, sweetheart?
Think about it yourself.
You always think everything through down to the smallest detail.”
I thought.
Hmm.
If I look at it soberly,
everything is basically fine.
Nate is guilty.
He’s being punished.
It’s not great that I don’t speak but command, but…
I don’t know.
That’s just my trait.
I like commanding.
And he likes submitting — Hades.
I nodded.
Hmm.
I only hit Nate sometimes.
“Yeah, people get locked up for that too — sometimes,” — Mushu.
I waved it off.
“Nate.”
He looked at me.
“Sweetheart, how are you?”
“See?”
“What do you mean?”
“You love me
and you don’t just want to beat me.”
“Yeah, in court they should soften the sentence for that,” — Mushu.
“Nate.”
“Mmm?”
“Talk this through with me.”
The minds burst into fireworks.
“Oh wow, we’re consulting now?
Whoa, whoa.”
“Stop it,” — I blushed.
“Ooooh, Mr. Sex now comes with brains,
we’re respecting his intellect now, wow,” — Mushu.
I burst into tears.
“Shut up, all of you, damn it!”
Deep breath.
And I hit Nate again.
Oh God—
I howled with pleasure.
And then I lost control.
I kicked him again.
And again.
He started to defend himself.
I threw my head back.
I hit him again.
He caught my hand —
but allowed the slap.
Fuck, Nate.
I bent over again.
“Nate, you’re smart.”
But the darkness took control again.
I doubled over again.
“Fuck, the pretty boy is handling her trauma,” — Hades.
Fuck.
Everyone’s jaws dropped.
I could barely think myself.
And finally, I ran out of breath.
“Nate.”
He stood straight and steady.
“Nate.”
He was breathing
and not moving.
I collapsed onto the floor, losing consciousness.
Less than a minute passed
before I snapped back.
Apparently the brain called it off —
everything’s fine, no threat.
“Nate.”
I looked at him.
And then crawled into a corner.
“You can—
y-you’re handling it.”
He sat upright and unshaken.
Oh my God.
My head started spinning.
And like a madwoman,
I ran out of the restaurant.
It doesn’t matter where —
I need to run, I need to run.
Nate ran after me.
Fuck, fuck — leave me alone, leave me alone, I’m a monster.
I’m a beast.
He stopped, motionless.
I was gasping for breath.
“Leave me alone, leave me alone!”
I was screaming and crying.
“Go away.
Why do you need me?
Find someone sane — not me.
Why do you need me?!!”
“Because I love you.”
“No. No no no.
No!”
“You can’t love me.
No one can love me.
I’m a monster, Nate.
I’m a beast.”
“That’s not true.”
I slapped him across the face.
“Stupid, stupid idiot.
Find yourself a normal woman.”
“I don’t need another one.”
I got angry.
“Idiot. Idiot.”
My head started spinning.
Nate stood there like a rock.
I passed out.
“He’s doing this,” — brain.
“No.
He’s pulling the trauma out.”
“No no no.
He can’t. He shouldn’t.”
“He loves you. There are no other options.”
The brain ran a quick analysis.
I scanned it with my eyes.
Right.
There is no other explanation.
It’s not his trauma and not his pain.
He just loves me.
Just loves me.
Oh my God.
But what am I supposed to do with this?
“Strange it never crossed your mind when, say, he told you he loved you,” — Hades.
And Mushu and Hades started mocking me,
parodying me.
Hades dropped to his knees and screamed,
“Hey, I’m a poor wounded fool and I love hitting you, Nate!”
“And I love being hit — I’m just as much of a moron,” — Mushu.
They both burst out laughing.
I snapped back instantly
and kicked both of them.
“Fuck off, you bastards.”
“Nate.”
I came to.
Nate was sitting next to me.
“Nate, how can you love me?”
“Sweetheart, you just don’t understand what you are.”
“Bullshit. I’m one big problem.”
“That’s not true.”
“Sweetheart, you’re a real angel.”
“Yeah, with shit on her ass,” — Hades and Mushu burst out laughing again.
“Bastards,” — I kicked the couch and they flew off, swearing.
“But Nate, there’s so much trouble with me.”
“That’s not true.”
“Kitten, you’re the best in the world.
I love you very much.
Please don’t talk about yourself like that.”
“Do you really not want to think, Nate,
maybe you should choose someone better?”
Nate shook his head.
I hugged him.
Oh my God.
So this is love.
This is how it is when you’re loved.
I started crying.
“Nate.
My love.”
“I’m sorry, please,
but I think I’m using this against you
and I’ll keep hitting you.”
He flinched.
Then he laughed
and winked at me.
“As you say, sweetheart.”
Fuck—
I doubled over again.
Big question:
who actually has the power here.
Big question.

We were driving home.
And I’m riding there, crying and crying,
tears streaming like a river.
How is this possible?
That he loves me.
That he doesn’t limit me.
Nate doesn’t choke my nature.
I can’t do anything about it —
I love giving orders and commanding to death.
That’s how I’m built.
And how turned on I am by his strength.
How he endures.
How strong he is.
Oh my God, thank you
for this guy.
Everything inside me was breathing freedom.
I wanted to cry again and again.
What happiness it is to be yourself.
To breathe with a full chest.
If I want — I slap him,
and it immediately gets easier.
Oh.
How I love this guy.
How I love him.
“Maybe you’ll confess something else to him,” — Hades.
Fuck. Quiet, quiet — no!
“Heeey, Naaate!” — Hades screamed like a madman.
“No, shut up, quiet!
He might hear.”
“Our girl has another little secret.”
“No no no, quiet, for fuck’s sake, shut up!”
“Sweetheart.”
“Huh?”
“Did something happen?”
“No—no no no, no.”
“Kitten…”

Finally, we got home.
Nate got out of the car.
“Time,” — brain.
I grabbed the telescopic baton
and hid it.
“Ready?” — brain.
“Yes.”
“Sure?”
“I’ll try. I have to.”
“Alright.”
Deep breath.
I’ll have to break his heart again.
All of mine clenched their fists.
Here we go.
Nate held out his hand.
I stepped out.
“Look.”
He turned around.
I snapped the baton open right away
and struck him in the bend
right behind the kneecap.
Nate screamed in pain.
Fuuuck.
Everything started glitching.
I tensed up —
but I was ready.
I hit him again.
This time — across the back.
Rage took over.
My eyes turned green.
“You’re done, bitch,” Derek said.
I laughed.
Jesus, what a pair.
My blood was full of adrenaline.
I was ready.
Bastard — this time I was ready.
While Nate was trying to get up, I quickly called security and told them to stay alert.
Alright.
Now that we’re relatively safe, we can start the session.
Talk.
What do you want to hear?
You know.
Go on.
Why is he still angry at his mother?
Derek barely got back on his feet.
“She took it out on him.
She neglected him.”
Fuck.
“Not even close, baby,” Derek said.
“Want the details?”
“No. No. No.”
Pause.
“No.”
Why didn’t he just cut her out of his life?
He could’ve simply stopped talking to her! — I snapped.
He laughed.
“What, sweetheart? That’s Nate.
Decent.
By the book.”
I felt uneasy.
I already knew Derek didn’t like to talk much — and that he’d move to action soon.
“Derek, I need help.
You have to help him.
How do we level this out?”
He suddenly grabbed me by the throat.
My head started spinning.
Fuck.
I’m going to suffocate.
“If I die, Nate will never forgive you.”
He shook his head, drifted for a second — then let go of me.
“Good. That means Nate is destabilizing.
He’s trying to regain control.
Come on, sweetheart.
You can handle it.”
I collapsed to the ground, trying to catch my breath.
“You love her.
You love your mother.”
“No!” — he roared like a bear.
Finally, security arrived.
And right away they brought Nate’s mother.
The scene was a nightmare.
Nate was furious as hell.
Trying to kill me.
Five guys could barely hold him.
Covered in scrapes and cuts.
And still — so damn sexy.
Ursula.
Yeah.
I was drooling.
Pull yourself together — brain.
I nodded.
His mother was dumb as a rock.
Jesus Christ, how do you explain to her what’s happening here?
She rushed to her son to comfort him.
Ethan surfaced.
“Mom.”
Nate lunged toward her.
I nodded to security.
Ethan ran straight into her arms.
I tried to explain to her what to do.
She was an ordinary woman — the most basic version.
Level of awareness: a mongoose.
She understood absolutely nothing.
For fuck’s sake.
I signaled security again.
They had to be ready.
Derek could appear at any moment.
Another five guys — because shit could start pouring out of the mother too.
The Maybach pulled up.
Thank God.
Finally.
Sam.
Everything was prepared.
If the system didn’t work, they’d shut Nate down.
Sam would sedate him and forcibly end the session.
After the release, Nate’s body would soon start bleeding and experience severe pain.
His system had switched into burn mode.
If the trauma became stronger than him,
his body would try to trigger convulsions —
a last-resort protective mechanism.
The organism trying to save itself.
His entire body could push him into shock —
and then into clinical death.
“Balls of steel you’ve got,” Hades said.
“I have no choice.
I can’t make a mistake.”
Alright.
“Leonor, you must apologize to Nate.”
She froze.
“For what?”
My head boiled.
Can someone really be this stupid?
You idiot.
What a dumb woman.
I tried to calm myself — Nate was at the limit.
They’d knock him out any second.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Rage burned inside me.
I wanted to slam his mother against the car and beat the stupidity out of her.
“Leonor — for neglecting Ethan when he was little.”
“What Ethan?”
Jesus Christ, kill me now.
“Ethan is Nate’s inner child.”
She stared.
“I see.”
“Leonor, every person has split roles inside.
When childhood trauma exists,
the inner child remembers it
and carries it into adulthood.
Do you understand?”
“Not really.
What inner child?”
I mentally slapped myself.
How… how…
“Leonor, right now Nate is not exactly Nate. He—”
“Then who is he?
That’s Nate right there.
Who beat him?
Why is he covered in bruises?”
Hades lit up.
“Well, sweetheart, wanna tell her what kind of sex you like?
Whee-whee.
Sam’s right here.”
“Straight to the psych ward.”
“Though honestly, it’s not your first time, right?” — he burst out laughing.
“And hey — arm in arm with mommy?”
He laughed again.
I kicked him with all my strength.
“Freak!”
“Leonor, please remember when Nate was little.”
“Mom. Mommy. I didn’t mean to.
Mommy, I didn’t want to.” — Ethan.
Tears poured out of me.
God.
Poor boy.
Fucking parents.
All parents are bastards.
Children are sacred.
Ethan was so sincere.
He cried so bitterly.
My instinct kicked in.
Fists clenched.
I could strangle this bitch of a mother —
this stupid woman who couldn’t grasp what she’d done,
how she broke the boy,
how deeply she hurt him.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Don’t dissociate, Nazokat.
Pull yourself together.
You’re running an operation.
If you couldn’t hold yourself together,
you shouldn’t have stepped in.
And since you did —
finish it.
Take the mother all the way through.
I nodded to myself.
“Leonor, you need to hug the boy.”
Nate was on his knees.
My eyes were covered with my palms.
I could barely breathe.
God, if only I could take his pain away.
If I could erase it all so he wouldn’t have to go through this.
“Hate to interrupt you, but Derek is about to snap,” — Hades said.
Right.
I shook my head.
Come on, Nazokat. Pull yourself together.
She’s hugging him.
But it’s dry.
Cold.
Got it.
“Leonor, please step away.”
“Why?”
“Because I told you to, for fuck’s sake, you hysterical squirrel.”
It has to be done, Leonor.
Right now we need to go further.
“Where?”
I mentally slapped myself again.
“And people still ask why we don’t talk to ordinary humans,” — Hades said.
Exactly — and we bumped fists.
I gave the signal.
Security started pulling Nate’s mother away.
She screamed.
“Hold him!” — I shouted.
Security locked onto Nate.
Now the instinct would kick in — he’d protect her.
And Derek would surface.
“Mom, mom, let her go!”
Tears were pouring out of my eyes.
Forgive me, my love.
I have no choice.
We need to drag him back into childhood —
to where he was powerless and humiliated.
“You are ignorant! You are insane!” — Leonor screamed.
Yeah, yeah, when is she going to shut up? — Mushu.
No idea — me.
Derek was pushing forward, trying to protect the mother.
Ethan inside him was crying.
Perfect.
More.
We need more.
Soon the body will exhaust itself.
Derek will start losing ground.
I closed my eyes.
With all my heart, I was trying to avoid this.
God, please tell me I’m wrong. Please.
“Leonor, did you ever leave Nate alone with any men?”
She shook her head.
“No, of course not. Are you insane?
He was little.
I couldn’t leave him with anyone.”
Fuuuuuck.
Thank God.
Thank God.
God, thank God — no physical violence.
Don’t rush — brain.
Deep breath.
“Leonor, did any close male ever show Nate special attention?”
“His grandfather.
They always spent time together.”
Time together.
Time…
My head started spinning.
I felt nauseous.
Not this.
Please not this.
No. No. No.
Did this idiot really fail to protect him?
“No, no, no.
Mommy, I love Grandpa.
He always helped me.
And Uncle Pitt,” — Ethan.
A boy can have trauma and not tell the truth.
He might simply not remember — brain.
I nodded.
Alright, Nazokat.
Lead this further.
“That bastard — the grandfather — is not who he pretends to be,” Derek said.
Fuck.
“Derek, who touched Nate?!”
He went silent.
Of course.
He’s protecting his mother from pain.
I took a deep breath in and out.
Pull yourself together, Nazokat.
“Sam, sweetheart, I need support.”
He rushed to me and wrapped me in his arms.
The world can wait.
I need time.
“Nazokat, boys are vulnerable.
Don’t take them where there’s nothing,” — Sam said.
I breathed.
And breathed.
And breathed.
It’s okay.
Most likely, there was no rape.
I suspect boundary violations —
someone may have touched him where they shouldn’t have.
But Nate is extremely sensitive to touch.
He doesn’t tolerate boundary violations at all.
Warmth spread through me.
Like Roman — Roman hates being touched without consent.
Good.
A little more, Nazokat.
Finish this.
“Derek, sweetheart, she doesn’t get it at all — just like back then.”
He stood still.
“Look at her.
She’s an ordinary, limited woman.
She’s never been in therapy.
She has zero awareness.
She lacks capacity.
She will never understand your pain.
She simply doesn’t have the inner resources for it.
She won’t understand.”
Derek lowered his eyes.
I knew — he was leaving.
He needed to be alone.
Ethan started crying.
I ordered Leonor to hug the boy.
She sat there, holding him.
“My love…”
“Nate, she won’t be able to understand.
She couldn’t then, and she won’t now.
Look at her, Nate.
Derek.
Ethan.
All of you — this isn’t her.
I was screaming at the top of my lungs.
Please look — the image of your mother and the real Leonor are different people.
This is not her.
She is not the mother who hurt you back then.
Look at yourself, Nate.”
I hit him again.
Pain would bring him back to the present.
Security intercepted Leonor.
“Saaaam!” — I screamed.
Sam pulled out the injection.
I screamed in pain.
Nate arched violently, his whole back bending.
He was screaming.
His parts were leaving his body.
He was healing —
but this could kill him.
We have to end the therapy.
“Nate, fuck, fuck, wake up!
Her power is gone.
You grew up.
You are powerful now.
She no longer controls anything.
You are not small anymore.
You are no longer under her power.
Nate!
You grew up.
She can’t hurt you anymore.
It’s over.”
Sam started giving signals.
We had no choice.
We had to knock him out.
Nate collapsed to the ground, his body seizing with violent convulsions.
I couldn’t see anything in front of me.
Tears flooded my eyes.
I ordered security.
One strike to the temple — and Nate was out.
I covered my face with my palms.
Goddamn bitch.
How the fuck do mothers like this even exist—
how the fuck—
“Miss—” one of the guards stepped forward.
My face burned.
I was ashamed she even existed.
But there were no other options.
I asked what amount I should write the check for.
Tears were pouring nonstop.
Only the check made her come.
Poor Nate.
So sensitive.
So intelligent.
And he grew up with this shit that calls itself a mother.
Women like her disgrace motherhood itself.
Those who stay.
Those who love and care.
Those who protect at any cost.
What a shame that women like this are even considered women.
Disgusting.
While Sam was stabilizing Nate, I screamed orders at Leonor to hold him.
Ethan probably wouldn’t understand any of this —
he’s too deep in childhood.
But Nate’s body had to be rewritten.
He had to overwrite the script.
The boy needed warmth restored.
He needed to remember a reservoir
that had been empty for so long.
I manufactured a replacement for a mother’s love.
That was all I could do for him.
My love.
How worried I was for him.
My entire heart was tearing itself apart, wanting to hold him.
But I had to straighten up.
Right now, I don’t exist.
I am a therapist.
Not a wife.
An entire hour passed.
Then another one.
I ordered no one to move.
Until Nate had taken in enough, everyone would stand —
whether they liked it or not.
Except Sam, of course.
He held me, his arm around my waist so I wouldn’t collapse.
Nate felt a little better.
He was coming back into himself.
The guys wanted to help him up to the bedroom.
Nate waved them off.
“I’ll do it myself.”
I tensed.
That kind of strength is always Derek’s warning sign.
And Derek is unpredictable.
I ordered Leonor to put the boy to bed and lie down beside him.
To stroke his hair.
To whisper how much she loves him.
How proud she is of him.
That he is the best boy in the world.
By 4 a.m., Nate was much better.
His body no longer curled up like a child’s.
He straightened.
And finally lay down as Nate.
One leg bent at the knee, the other straight.
His legs spread wide.
A beautiful, flawless face sank into a soft pillow.
I exhaled.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you, everyone.
Everyone exhaled too.
And left.
I was exhausted as hell.
It felt like I’d been in surgery for twenty-four hours straight without a break.
Everyone left.
The door closed.
And Derek appeared.
Nate sat up on the bed.
Fuck — chills ran down my spine.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!
Why are you trying to fix him?!”
“Derek. Quieter.”
I started backing toward the wall.
“Quieter.
I’m handling him.”
“No.
You’re taking care of yourself.”
I straightened up.
“Of course.
If I’m not okay, Nate won’t be either.”
He froze.
And suddenly I got so bold that I started walking toward him myself.
“I’m done with this, you stupid bastard.
I went through hell with him.
I may not be perfect, but I don’t know anyone else who loves him the way I do.
I’ve proven it a hundred fucking times how much I love him.
So fuck off.
Even his mother doesn’t love him the way I love him.
Got it?”
Rage overtook me, and exhaustion pressed down like a dead stone.
“If you want to choke me again or stab me —
you’ll have to wait until morning.
I’m going to sleep, you fucking bastard.”
Breakfast.
Nate’s mother came down for breakfast.
I woke up at eleven.
“Kitten.
My love.”
I lit up.
“Hi, my love.”
“Kitten, thank you,” — Nate burst into tears and hugged me.
“My love, I—” Nate blushed.
I understood perfectly what was happening.
He was ashamed that I had seen him weak.
Helpless.
Pathetic.
Damaged.
Unwell.
— Hades.
“Ha-ha, bastard.”
I kicked him again — Hades.
“It’s okay. It’s all good, my love. Everything’s fine.”
“My love… I never thought anyone could love me like that.”
“How could I not love you, Nate?
You’re flawless.”
Mushu and Hades were doubled over with laughter.
“Ooooh, I never thought, hahahaha, that someone could—” — Hades.
“Oh come on, how could anyone not love you, you fuck me every second,” — Mushu.
I laughed.
“You fucking bastards.”
“My love, I don’t mean sex.”
Damn it, when is he going to stop reading my mind?
“Funny how he reads it when you’ve got a baton hidden,” — Hades.
We fist-bumped, laughing our asses off.
“Or does telepathy only work when there’s a connection?
Like heavenly Wi-Fi?”
“Oh, fuck off, idiots,” — I laughed.
“Me too, Nate.
You really are flawless.
The very best.”
He hugged me.
Looks like he’s already recovered…
I took advantage of the moment
and pulled him back to bed…