5:15
I’m standing in front of the mirror.
My face is swollen.
A couple of tears still linger.
It’s okay. You’ve got this.
You did well.
You really did well.
I nod.
A knock on the door.
I listen.
Another one.
Damn.
I rush — they’re about to wake Nate up.
“Hi,” I whisper.
“Good morning, miss,” he says softly.
Sebastian smiles, and his eyes fill with tears.
He hands me a box.
I exhale.
I know. I know it.
I hug him gently.
It’s okay.
I’m fine.
Don’t worry.

I slip into the bathroom.
I fix my curls.
Nate’s favorite skirt.
His favorite top.
And the woman he loves most — me.
I stand up straight.
Come on.
Be his support.
Be his home.
Don’t let him down.

6:00
“Sweetheart.”
“Kitten,” he smiles, stroking my cheek.
I start crying.
Nate jumps up immediately.
“Sweetheart, sweetheart, kitten.
My love, what’s wrong, kitten?”
“Nate, you know how much I love you.”
He holds me, strokes my hair.
I try to breathe.
…
A full-length mirror.
Nate in my gift.
A new racing suit.
Helmet in his hands.
Gloves.
Full gear. Protection.
Oh my God.
Black-and-white footage.
Car 053.
The car flips over.
The car is on fire.
Tears run against my will.
I can’t stop them.
I try not to look.
I’m so scared.
Nate is not just my husband.
He’s the pillar the world rests on.
The guys respect him.
The boys look up to him.
He’s an example.
He has to show that he didn’t break.
That he left it behind.
He wasn’t planning on big races anymore.
But the training continues.
To protect his reputation.
To maintain his status.
So no one doubts his power.
“Thank you, kitten.”
I nod.
He cups my face in his hands.
“Sweetheart, it’s just training.”
I nod and try to believe his words.

…
Another week goes by, and Nate is back to MMA, taekwondo, and of course boxing.
I’m proud of him.
He’s grown up so much.
The wild darkness that once controlled him —
the one that was stronger than him —
is gone now.
It feels like he let it all out.
Lived through it.
Moved past it.
I exhale.
I know the influence I have over Nate.
He trusts me.
He’ll do what I say.
I could suppress his strength.
Hysteria, manipulation, pressure — it would be easy.
But there’s no need for that anymore.
He’s adjusting the final details.
I look again.
Strangely, it feels like we both grew up.
I used to love his childish side.
I encouraged the racing.
His boyish part.
The teenager who was never given an outlet back then.

…
Nate steps out into the yard.
The guys are waiting for him.
Six cars. All Lamborghinis.
Today they’re testing them in the corners and on the track.
I can barely breathe.
Come on, Nazokat, breathe.
He’ll handle it.
You have to trust him.
And I do —
but I’m still so scared.
…
A month passed, and I began to calm down.
The training sessions were very safe, very deliberate.
The crash simulator showed possible outcomes.
At worst — a fracture.
No more than that.
But darkness is darkness.
Without it, he would lose the danger — and the edge.
The training has to continue.
Pain cuts like a dagger.
How hard it is to love a man.
He is born to take risks.
And you are left to believe and pray that he comes back.
Don’t limit it — it’s his nature.
It’s his nature.
Tears kept flowing and flowing.
How do I love him without holding him back?
How do I cope with this?
“Yes, he won’t be picking flowers with us,” Hades said.
I shook my head.
He won’t.
…
I sat down on the bed.
“What do you think?” Hades asked.
“I don’t know.
Nate is so grown up.
It’s unusual for me to see him like this.”
…
“He seems truly full.
I don’t see tightness in him, no trauma — nothing suppressed or ignored.
No, he just seems calm.”
“Do you think he really let the teenager run free?
Do you think he truly lived that part out?”
I shrugged.
“Yes.
I think so.”
The training videos clearly confirmed my thoughts.
Nate went to training like to work.
To sharpen skills.
To learn how to handle the car.
Afterwards he didn’t shake or jump around.
Which means there was no adrenaline release like before.
Now it was just skill work.
Of course he still loves driving, like he always did.
But now it wasn’t childish anymore.
He became integrated.
And I was very proud of him.
To be honest, I was proud of myself too.
That I walked beside him all this time.
That I stayed close.
That I didn’t turn away from him when he was only beginning to gather strength.
I realized I needed to exhale.
These are my fears — not reality.
Nate doesn’t take reckless risks anymore.
He knows what he’s doing.
I just need to believe.
“No one will take him away,” a soft voice said.
I stood by the window.
“No one will take him away,” the whisper repeated.
How can someone be so smart
and still fall so low before a man?
Silence.
I shouldn’t love him like this.
I shouldn’t.
I need to keep my head colder.
I don’t want to die if something happens to him.
I burst into tears.
Damn it.
In a fit of rage, I broke the floor lamp.
And the figurines.
The clock.
The mirror.
How I hated this.
My love for him.
I need my freedom.
I don’t want to be so bound to him.
And I fell to my knees,
pouring out tears.
What the hell can I do?
What?!
What?!
I screamed into the air.
I have no antidote.
I have no strength.
Nate is my soul and my heart.
I can’t suffocate this.
I can’t.
I love him.
And I’ll have to live with that.
“Coward,” Hades said.
Exactly.
A coward in love.