Sex

If you want it really good,
you need to talk to your wife.
Sit down and talk.
After work, in a suit,
with the face of:
“I conquered the world today and almost died,
but, sweetheart, I’m holding on for you.”
Key point:
the suit —
top two buttons undone.
Tie in hand.
If you’re going to play —
then really play it natural.
Natural enough for your wife to actually believe it.
It’s highly recommended to listen to her.
Or at least nod convincingly,
nodding right on beat.
You need to make an effort
not to stare at her chest.
That comes later.
You need to put on those little eyes —
you know,
the eyes of a man
who genuinely understands
a woman’s pain.
Hug her, like:
“Yeah… I really get you.”
You have to carefully watch the signs.
As soon as she calms down just a little,
cries,
says: “Thank you, you understand me so well” —
you can sit a bit closer.
No pressure.
Just… a little closer.
She’ll feel slightly embarrassed.
She hasn’t seen him like this before.
Something is changing.
She’s scared — but drawn in.
Perfect.
That’s exactly what we need.
You can suggest taking care of her.
“Maybe some water? Tea?”
Key point:
the kids have to be shipped off.
Otherwise she’ll get distracted.
We need all the attention.
The house is empty.
A blanket?
Yes, you’ll have to endure it —
it’ll be sweet later.
She’ll agree.
If you’re lucky,
you’ll move straight to business.
If not —
you’ll have to keep playing.
If things are close,
you can sit closer,
fix her hair near her face,
lightly kiss her neck.
And stop.
Let her simmer a bit.
“Sweetheart, how was your day?”
She’ll start talking.
And someone just kind of, accidentally,
leans on the kitchen island.
Damn —
just not the dining table.
So here we have our guy:
tired, worn out,
but everything — for her.
Leaning on the kitchen island
like it’s the only thing holding him up.
She’ll pretend she didn’t notice.
But we’re almost there.
If she’s already throwing signals —
don’t fumble.
This is no longer a game.
She’s turned on —
that means she’s ready.
If the talking continues —
you’ll have to endure a bit longer.
Yes!
And don’t complain —
this is your woman, not mine.
You can start taking off the jacket.
She stops talking.
You can slowly start stretching the buttons.
Always start with the cufflinks.
No rushing.
Sex is almost in the pocket.
You can’t screw this up.
Sleeves get rolled up.
He walks toward her.
Nice.
Three instincts will wake up in her at once,
and if you’re lucky,
the slut wakes up first.
So, you can approach her.
She’s probably already in tears.
Slowly.
Like in a movie.
Yes!
There are no other options!
“You’re so beautiful.
I’m so lucky to have you.”
She’s stunned.
Perfect.
Everything goes to hell.
Finally.
Drum roll.
Sex.
Postscript
Guys, business being a bit of a mess —
that’s temporary.
Everything will level out.
You’ve handled it before,
you’ll handle it again.
And for now,
on the weekend,
you can breathe out a little.