Took Roman to kindergarten.
I’m trying not to put his life on pause while I’m building a world for him


Осознанные песни - Сквозь любой страх

I believe.
I keep trying.
I tell myself everything will work out.
That I’ll manage.
That I’m not an idiot.
I’m not daydreaming.
I know what I’m doing.
I know.
I know it.
I’ll make it.
I can do this.
A poisoned society, full of rotten, cheap thoughts.
I’m not supposed to wear makeup.
Not supposed to wear diamonds.
Not supposed to smile.
They’re all jealous.
I feel the poison.
My smile is met with coldness.
Every kind gesture is met with rejection.
I cry.
Damn it, what did I do to them?
What did I do to them?
I let myself cry when my son can’t see.
I don’t want to let him down.
I don’t want him to see me like this.
I’m not like everyone else.
A stigma.
People sense that I’m different.
They’re choking on jealousy,
on hatred.
And I cry.
Alone.
Completely alone.
When you aim high
but you’re not there yet,
everyone will say you’re crazy.
No one believes in you.
Or they believe too much — and that’s why they drag you down.
You’re scared.
Guys, I’m really damn scared.
One against the world, with only the spirits beside me.
What if I made it all up?
Roman’s father is shouting:
“Where are you taking him?
What are you teaching him?”
I cry.
I try to trust myself.
I believe that Roman and I will make it out.
We just have to keep going.
We have to believe.
“You’re living in the clouds.
It’s time to stop dreaming.”
My father’s words sank into me like rust.
My heart is bleeding.
I’ll manage.
I can do this.
I keep trying.
But sometimes life hits so hard
I don’t know.
Hold on.
Just hold on.
You have to believe.
Breathe.
Get up.
I’ll manage.
I can.
“Time to come back down to earth.
You’re talking nonsense.
That doesn’t exist.”
People keep pulling you under.
Again and again.
I believe in what isn’t visible yet.
The spirits cry with me.
How do I hold on, guys,
when everyone keeps pointing out
where “reality” is?
I know they’re jealous.
They lie.
They’re choking on envy,
on bitterness.
But I’m tired of telling myself that.
Too smart —
and very alone.
I smile through any fear.
I dissolve into new worlds,
where in every storm
peace is hidden.
He is always near.
He is with me.- Осознанные песни - Сквозь любой страх
We will believe,
guys.
Cry.
Get up.
And keep believing.
My people won’t leave me.
They will pull me out.
They won’t leave me alone.
You just have to keep believing.